Fear of abandonment is exactly what it sounds like—the fear of being abandoned and left alone. People can experience this fear in relationships, marriages, or friendships, thinking that if the other person knew the real truth about them or their personality, they would probably leave. In most cases, it stems from childhood, when parents leave or distance themselves from their children for acting differently or oddly. It can also occur when a mentor or parental figure fails to provide emotional support or criticizes their children. However, abandonment issues can also develop later in life when you face failed marriages or romantic relationships, sudden loss, or similar situations.

If you are considering filing for divorce and want to consult with legal counsel for help discussing your situation, contact a skilled attorney or legal firm in Lehi like Coil Law, LLC that can assist you.

Why Are People Afraid of Being Abandoned?

Does it make sense for an adult to fear being abandoned? Well, it certainly makes sense for evolutionary psychologists. Think of a child, for instance: if parents neglect or leave their baby alone, the child would probably die as they don’t know how to survive on their own—they are entirely dependent on their parents for food, water, and just about everything. Humans evolved to fear dangerous things, like spiders, swimming, heights, crocodiles, animals, and more. Their fear arises as a sense of protection. The same goes for fear of abandonment in babies and grown adults. The child somehow picks up on cues that their parents or loved ones are abandoning them, and belonging means survival—they think of it instinctively, not consciously. Therefore, when faced with such a situation, people feel a dire need to alter their behavior to belong and avoid abandonment. This can certainly create problems and difficulties in the long run.

What Does It Look Like?

People who don’t want to be alone or fear abandonment tend to do all sorts of things outside their comfort zone for the sake of belonging. People in a group or social circle may have this fear and might pretend to like things that they generally don’t, for example, engaging in movies, music, or sports they find uninteresting. They even pretend to like movies or be seen enjoying them just to be included. They are constantly on the lookout for signs that someone might be leaving, and they don’t have any coping mechanisms to deal with these feelings.

What Do People with a Fear of Abandonment Do?

People who fear being abandoned go to extreme lengths to avoid someone leaving. They change their self-image and build walls around themselves to prevent others from knowing the real truth behind their made-up personalities. This might work for the short term, but people who care about you will tear down those walls. However, that’s a different matter. People with such fear try to evaluate their partner or friends for signs of leaving and might even push them away, hoping to see if they return later. If they don’t come back, most assume that they didn’t care in the first place.

People Do Leave:

Stable and healthy people know the vulnerable scenarios entangled in romantic relationships or close friendships. A person who has given everything in a relationship but fails to meet the real you behind the façade will feel distant and unfulfilled, which may lead them to leave or abandon you. The tragic part of this situation is that people with a fear of abandonment often make themselves targets and may push away genuinely good partners. When someone feels a loss of connection and the other only longs for the personal connection, it often results in breakups, divorce, and abandonment.

Considering Ending Your Marriage:

If you are considering ending your marriage or divorce, contemplate all the factors and consult a seasoned lawyer for legal advice.